For Eden

It isn’t David’s way, so I may be off for sharing this.  I apologize if I am.

I was at a function prepping for the all star game when I got a text.  “Please tell me what happened.  And please tell me what they need.  I am so in shock.”

“What are you talking about?”

“And so sad and I know you have to be too...  Shit …Call David please.  He needs you right now.”

“I just heard Eden died this morning. No one knows and they don’t want people knowing but I need to do something to help.”

“And I know how close you were. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have texted you.”

I’ve never understood funerals.  The funerals themselves and everything that leads up to and follows them.  Really opened my eyes when I was ten going through the whole production of my dad’s.  I watched my best friend, my brother, memorialize his wife, the mother of his children, my sister-in-law.  He did all of the things that people never see behind the scenes.  The medical stuff, the law stuff, and the funeral home stuff.  I watched him field countless phone calls, text messages, and pop ins.  I watched him curate pictures, videos, and music to present a celebration of her life.  I watched him stand for hours and smile, entertain, and comfort person after person.  I watched him do all of this while trying to shield his children from this inexplicable loss and mourn the love of his life.  I watched how everyone was focused on themselves and not my friend.

“What happened?”  Why do people ask?  Does it matter?  It’s okay to fall back and it’s okay to shut the fuck up.  Fuck intention.  It’s about execution.  How do we show up for people?  What does that look like?  It isn’t the charade of what happens during a funeral.  It’s what happens long before and long after.  Someone I trust once told me that I’m really protective of my friends.  Maybe, but I mean isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be?

Tyson walked in as I was finishing up.  I looked outside into the parking lot and saw her Tahoe.  I walked over to the driver’s side and Eden gave me the look she always gave me.  Half smirk, more smile.  She lowered the window to the back where Tatum and Tre were climbing over the seats completely oblivious to me standing there.

“Say hello to Uncle Leigh and give him hugs.”

They ran over and said hello and gave me a hug as briefly as possible and went right back to what they were doing.  They love me but they had an elaborate, imaginary 6 year old scenario to tend to.  You know how kids do.

Eden stepped out and gave me a hug.  Her hugs were legendary.  The best combination of comfort, security, and love.  Definitely on the Mount Rushmore of hugs.

We caught up a bit then stepped into the deep stuff.

“How are you Eden?”

“I’m okay.”

“Don’t give me the brush off answer.  How are you doing?”

She started to tear up.

“All good according to my last check up…but I’m not the same.  It’s difficult for me to eat.  It’s gross.  And my eye is all fucked up.”

“Stop it.  You’re beautiful.  Always will be.  Now fix your face.  The kids don’t need to see you crying.”

She laughed.  “You’re so raggedy.”

She then went on…

“You need to come over more often.  I know you’re super busy during football season, but you can make time once a week to have dinner with us.  The kids need their uncle and David needs his brother.”

“You know I hate eating in front of people.”

“We’re not people.  We’re family.”

“As soon as the season is over.  I’ll make time.”

We gave each other a big hug and I drove off while she waited for Tyson to finish up.

David asked me to put together a playlist for the memorial.

“You’ve always had a good feel for this kind of thing. Just make sure it has this song. It’s by The Beach Boys.”

“I already know the song.”

“Are you sure? What’s the name of the song?”

“God Only Knows.”

“How did you know?”

“Because it sounds like Eden.”

Who we are is how we will be remembered.  Eden and I went way back.  I was there at the beginning.  Their first date.  The very beginning through everything in between.  Eden was cool and funny.  She was tough and dorky.  She was warm and beautiful.  Man…she glowed. No hyperbole whatsoever. She really lit up the room. I will forever remember her that way.